The Observations of Mentorship
(from a mentor’s point of view)
By Victoria Julieann
Multiple-time writing mentor, multiple-time writing mentee, and
writing coach
Introduction
I never wanted to be a writing mentor – what I mean by that is, I never strove towards it, nor to be a teacher of any form for that matter. But I first started ‘teaching’ as a young nine-year-old – teaching my sister how to ride a bike. After that I went on to teach others how to ride their bikes sporadically whenever the opportunity came upon me even five years later.
Although it was teaching younger kids how to ride their bikes that first sparked my side interest in teaching, I quickly realized that teaching and mentoring are not the same thing. My observation was, you can have teaching without mentoring, but you cannot have mentoring without teaching.
Teaching vs. Mentoring
Teaching is the act of translating knowledge from one person to another, with the intent in mind to get them to a certain place, but not nessescarily mastery of a skill. Mentorship is the next step up. Mentorship is the art of discipling a student in a continual process of growth and mastery. This is traditionally, anyway. At times, the knowledge gap of a mentor and mentee may not be that large, and so ‘graduating’ a mentee becomes necessary. Other times, a mentor takes on more of a ‘teacher’ role, staying in the mentee’s life for a shorter period of time than traditionally. Personally, I hold nothing against either, for all are different forms of mentorship and teaching, and I have done all types mentioned above in the past.
A Mentor's True Role
Besides the various styles of mentoring I have observed, I have also made the connection of the role of a mentor within the teaching process. As a homeschooled child all my life, my mom always made sure that she did not just teach me what to learn, but in addition to how to learn. And from this principle, I was able to apply the same concept to my mentoring. The concept is this; a mentor’s job is not merely and only to teach your mentees what to learn, but to teach them the process of learning, and how to be independent. After all, as it is known in the mentoring business, you are not your mentee's mother. They should not treat you that way, and you must also not treat them as children either. It can be tempting to try and lead them by the hand, but that is not effective mentoring. After all, since no mentor can know everything, we cannot honestly and sincerely pretend to. It would be doing our mentees a cruel injustice to keep them captive to our own incapabilities and limitations.
Observations of Mentoring
But besides the styles and roles of mentoring, there is the labor, reward, and the joy of the process. It is true, however; it can be trying and wearisome at times. But in the end, it is absolutely worth it. I am still learning to recognize the different kinds of mentees I have come into contact with. Their styles of learning, their dependency level, and their skill level are all unique in their own way, but at times, you do see similarities across different mentees.
Several other observations I have made include the differences between male and female mentees, which honestly, for me so far, haven’t been very different. Although, there does tend to be some larger measure of ‘professional distance’ that I try to cutivate between myself and male mentees. I appreciate when those mentees of the opposite gender respect that distance.
Another important thing I’ve learned is the paramount employment of keeping a professional relationship with your mentees, even if it is a loosely professional one. You do want your mentees to treat you and the relationship with respect. After all, whether or not you are a free or paid mentor, you are pouring your time, energy, and dedication into your mentees, and you can and should expect a measure of respect back for that.
Something else I’ve come across as both a mentor and a mentee is the topic of payment. As a free or trading mentor and mentee for my entire experience so far, from the point of view of a mentee, I’d say, always do something to thank your mentors. Say thank you often and give them credit where credit is due. From the point of a mentor, although the payment was never the primary reason I signed up to mentor the wonderful young people who’ve come into my life, it’s always nice when they simply say “thank you”. As a mentor, that small gesture encourages me more than any amount of money or trade work could. So please, thank your mentors. It is a kindness that does something only a mentor understands.
Finally, there is also the issue of age; many of my mentees do not know my true age until we are a bit later into the relationship. This is not because I want to give the illusion of seniority over them, but rather to protect my privacy as I do much of my mentoring online. I do, however, give them my age range (for example, when I was younger, I might say, 12-14) so that they do have a good idea of my age. I have not yet experienced any animosity or lack of respect from a mentee knowing that I am younger than them yet (everyone I have ever mentored/coached has been older than me).
In Conclusion: A Mentor's Pride
Past all these observations is the pride that only a mentor knows. It’s when you see your mentee begin to truly grow and prosper in the skills and principles that you’ve trained them in. It’s seeing them begin to branch out on their own, equipped with the independence you’ve coached them in. The greatest joy I’ve found in mentoring is not when mentees thank or acknowledge you – after all, that’s not what you should have signed up for. It’s in simply being able to honestly say, “I’m proud of you”. And that is the greatest award a mentor could ever have.
